I Know What I Want

In my time of need.. I know what I want!

he gives me what I need and not what i want. my needs are temporary. my wants will last forever.
so shall i say he's temporary. even though i wanna believe otherwise. for me to say what i want and not receive is the biggest disappointment so i stay silent. to disappoint me on mistake is forgivable but to do it or purpose is disgusting. i had this saying "I get what I want" now its "I get what I want but when I don't I just decide I don't want it anymore".

i'm starting not to want this anymore. its not going the way i planned....

right now i want a family. he wants his normal life. my question is... if he is trying to keep his old life so bad why does he want me in it? selfishness!!! if we both cant be happy then we need to give each other up becuz i refuse to be the one constantly dealing with the woes of a relationship. i refuse. i may need to be with someone like him. he's calm and collected and careful. he lets me be me without complaints or restraints. he loves me but he doesn't love me enough. thats for sure.

so yes i need that but i want so much more for us. i'm no kid anymore. in fact my child is going to kindergarten. so how dare i let her be played in this situation. its not about me being patient. i can be patient but i can not continue to wait to be loved the way i want to be loved. i love him 10 times more :(

so in my time of need. i know what i want. if i can't get that then my desires may change!

im all over the place... haven't blogged in years. i'll be back better and fresher than ever!

til next time... dream about me